Episode #036 - December 7, 2003

Hot Stuff Sex Toy

Vibrating Turbo Suction Tongue This toy puts a whole new meaning to the expression; desperation is the mother of invention. The VIBRATING TURBO SUCTION TONGUE looks like an oxygen mask and you really need to be ambidexterous to use it.

OK, hang in there with me, There is the power pack which takes 2 AA batteries to provide multi speed vibrations. That's the easy part. Then there is the suction cup that a female would hold tightly against her genitals, specifically her clitoris. Turn it on and the tongue vibrates. O.K. that accounts for 2 hands. Then there is the long plastic hose connected to the bulb hand-pump. Squeeze this repeatedly and it is supposed to glom onto her genitals, providing suction to stimulate blood flow to the clitoris. Unfortunately, that means you need one more hand. Maybe one of your neighbors isn't busy. You have the option of suctioning this to the floor and squatting over it. That's usually when the cat shows up.

This little sucker is very rigid and the vibrations are very strong, so it could be irritating to the sensitive clitoris. Try the nose test - if it makes you jerk your head back, these vibrations are too strong for your genitals. Plus, maintenance will be a problem. There's an opening in the plastic tube to the bulb that will suck up fluid. Lots of luck cleaning that out.

It's expensive and it sucks, literally. On our HOT STUFF HIBACHI OF LOVE, the Vibrating Turbo Suction Tongue is getting one briquet. OUCH in more ways than one.