We get so many questions about orgasm, I will try to provide some information about the BIG O.
An orgasm is described as a level of sexual arousal that reaches a peak then subsides leaving the participant feeling elated, relaxed and sexually satisfied. It is difficult to describe an orgasm because it is different for every female. Women generally describe it as a feeling of being so aroused that you are going to explode.
Muscles in your body may go into contraction, your hands tighten up, you may arch your back, your facial expression is intense, your breathing pattern changes to short gasps, your legs tremble, your toes curl under. You may make groaning noises, whimper, some women cry out. Because the sensations are so intense and so different for each woman, it like trying to describe a sneeze.
Are all women capable or reaching orgasm? Yes, unless there is some rare congenital abnormality or extensive genital surgery where nerves have been cut. Some women who have had a stroke can still reach orgasm. Women who are Spinal Cord injured and are paraplegic or quadraplegic will probably not have a genital orgasm but can reach orgasm by stimulating other areas of their bodies. Some women who have severe diabetes may not reach orgasm because of nerve degeneration.
Some women have lovely small ripple orgasms, others have massive orgasms. There are women who have one orgasm after the other as long as the stimulation continues; for others, one is quite enough for them. There is no normal, all are unique. A few women may have singleton orgasms with one partner and multiple orgasms with another partner. Some women experience a headache after orgasm; some start to cry and some start to laugh; this is simply a release of pent-up sexual tension. These reactions quickly pass and you bathe in the afterglow. Be honest about it. Every once in a while, you will have a cataclysmic orgasm. He will know it – he'll have the bruises to show for it. There are no rules when it comes to orgasms.
It is a myth that a female should have an orgasm every time she has sex. There are times when it just will not happen, if she feels fat or ugly, afraid that she might get pregnant or a disease, she may be tired, stressed, angry at her partner, preoccupied with family or finances etc. She may be uncomfortable, even in pain.
There will be times when all systems are GO and she does not have an orgasm. The sex was good, she is fine, satisfied, happy and contented. She was very aroused then just slid over the top and into the "refractory period" but she is still purring.
Here is where your partner enters the scene. Do not ask "DIDJA COME?" This puts pressure on her to have an orgasm to convince you that you are a good lover and capable of satisfying her. She may be tempted to fake orgasm just to have you believe that you are that good. Faking orgasm is destructive to a relationship that is based on honesty and trust. If your partner is dishonest, the trust level is shattered and that can be very damaging to a relationship.
Ladies, be honest, "No, I didn't have an orgasm but you are great, I feel wonderful, WOW, you are da man." Guys, accept that.
HOW TO HAVE AN ORGASM for FEMALES
Most women reach their first orgasm all by themselves. Few things you have to do before you begin. First, you have to:
- 1. Become comfortable with your own body.
- 2. Look at the messages you got as a kid about "self pleasuring"(masturbation). Bad, dirty, dangerous?
- 3. Give yourself permission to fantasize about sex. Read a sexy novel, romance pocket book, allow yourself to get turned on. You can't masturbate without fantasy. Read our web site on female masturbation.
- 4. Give yourself permission to stimulate yourself, Learn what pleasures you, all by yourself.
- 5. Share that information with your partner, guide your partner so he can make the moves that are pleasurable for you.
There are a few basics you need to know. For most females, penis size is not important. Bigger is not better. Most women do not reach orgasm with sexual intercourse. Most women reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation, either manual, oral-genital contact or a vibrator.
Here are a few great books that will be helpful: 'The Big Book of Masturbation' from Down There Press; 'The Good Orgasm Guide' by Kate Taylor; 'Self Love and Orgasm' and 'Sex For One', both by Betty Dobson; 'Turn Ons, Pleasing Yourself While You Please Your Lover' by Dr. Lonnie Barbach; 'Orgasms' by Tara Barker; 'For Yourself' by Dr. Lonnie Barbach; 'Understanding the G-spot' by Donald Hicks; and 'Great Sex' by Anne Hooper.