[ Talk Sex Message Board ]
20 and Frustrated
Posted by A. on May 06, 2008 at 06:21:40:
I'm 20 years old and I'm wondering what I can do to just completely get rid of these feelings of I guess arousal. I can't really turn myself on or fantasize because I don't feel attracted to anybody so when I get horny it's because it just happens.
I'm a virgin and I'm frustrated with masturbation because it doesn't work and I don't like to do it. I have never been in a relationship before so no one else has had to deal with this with me. I can't penetrate myself with my smallest finger because it's too painful and uncomfortable and I don't bother rubbing my clit or my breasts because it's boring, I don't feel anything, and my hand gets tired after 2 minutes anyway. I'm scared of all toys and I just don't want to buy any.
I don't feel all that confident about myself and I absolutely hate seeing myself naked. I have always been told that having sex is wrong but no one ever told me about how you are supposed to deal with these feelings. I'm crying as I'm typing this because I have read so many books and articles and nothing seems to fully address what I'm going through. I'm just frustrated and I wish that I didn't have to deal with this anymore. I'm just trying to find someone that can help me
Webmaster Reply:
Oh dear. It seems to me that the problem here is lack of self-esteem, not sexual frustration. You say you get horny - so that indicates that the hormones are working - but you don't find anyone attractive. You hate your own body, and you hate masturbation. There's a lot of issues here. Considering the emotional pain this situation is causing you, I would suggest that you talk with a counsellor of some sort. Often these feelings - poor body image, lack of self-esteem, lack of interest in sex - are related to depression, and there are plenty of medications to treat that. But counselling is the best route. You could start by talking with your doctor. The thing to remember, and I know this from my own experience, is that things WILL get better. At age 20, hormones are still in play and synapses are still forming in your brain. (The brain does not finish forming until age 25.) So, if you realize that this is a transitional stage, you will accept that things will improve. Talk with your doctor.Randy